On Friday, I went and had Lasik surgery to restore my vision in both eyes. While sitting in the waiting room, my father said, “This thing looks like a racket. Are you sure this is going to work?”
Unbeknownst to my dad, his comment caused me to think about what if he was right. I personally know a lot of people who have had the procedure done. For the most part, they all had really good results. How could so many people be deceived about the results? Maybe they spent so much money that the placebo effect caused them to think their vision was better. Or possibly they were afraid to say that the emperor had no clothes. Or maybe it is a conspiracy.
Then my mind started to race through likely conspiracy theories. Having recently seen a number of X-Files episodes, I started to wonder what if people who had Lasik done were actually replaced with alien beings. This might be a way that aliens could populate the planet. The doctor keeps on telling you to look at the little green light. All the while, the happy patient doesn’t realize what is happening until it is too late. The souls of the people are transported to a holding tank on the mother ship. Then the aliens inhabit the body of the Lasik patient.
Of course, they have better vision. They are now an alien. And even if they didn’t have better vision, they would lie about it because they want more people to become aliens. I am sure that the aliens don’t use sight as their primary sense any way. Most of what they see is done through telepathy.
And I thought the really bad smell during the procedure was burning eye ball. Maybe the “laser” is actually a soul transportation beam. Here’s the most American part of the plan, all of these Lasik centers are making a killing in the process. Aliens takeover the planet while the stock of Lasik companies goes through the roof.
I know this all sounds silly. But if you are going to think about conspiracy theories, you might as well go all out. Right?
The good news is that the above is just a ludicrous theory. I feel completely fine. The only big difference is that I can see great without my glasses or contact lenses. I am the same ole Chaille.
Or isn’t that what you would expect me to say even if I had become an alien?