Ridiculous Disclaimers

Have you ever wondered about the ridiculous disclaimers that people attach to the bottom of e-mail messages? I wonder if some corporate lawyer really things these make much of a difference. Does a disclaimer actually change the open nature of the Internet? No! Does the message really do much other than make people think first before pressing the send button? I don’t even know if it does that in most cases.

A few friends and I were discussing what would be a really good humorous message to attach to all of our business posts. This is a compilation of their two best ideas. Thanks Kevin and Luke.  

Notice: This email is intended for the use of the addressee only, all other use is prohibited. This message was passed among countless computers on its way to you. There’s no telling where it’s been all day. I recommend you run a virus scan before you even finish reading this. Then go wash your hands with soap and warm water. This email may or may not contain any of its original information, and the content may be displayed in a format other than intended. That’s because the countless computer servers that palmed, groped, held, pocketed, and then pushed this message along its way each took the liberty of modifying the message as they saw fit. Besides, you are probably using different software than the party who sent the message, and you probably don’t have the font they used. It doesn’t matter anyway, because all that you will remember in the end is the two weeks of down-time caused by the virus attached to this message, because you didn’t run the scan fast enough. Warning” This email was processed in a facility that also processes peanuts.

Or how about?

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or no grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from your antivirus software. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you or your machine. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.

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