Jesus Does My Taxes

I love how conversations tend to rabbit trail. The fun is discovering where they just might go.

Earlier this evening I talked with a friend in Lynchburg. We discussed how Jesus tended to hang out with undesirables. We talked about what places would Jesus dare visit today. Would he go to a bar? Would Jesus go to the pool hall? Where do tax collectors hang out today? Do you have to visit an H.R. Block or Liberty Tax Service office?  I know – Jesus would be one of those people with the statue of liberty hats waving at cars trying to get them to come to the Liberty Tax office.

Then, we started talking about what it would be like if Jesus did your taxes. Can you imagine what would happen if you had an audit by the IRS. I can just see it now. You are talking with an IRS agent. He asks, “Who advised you that you can deduct that.” And you say, “Jesus.” The IRS agent gives you the look that a teacher gives when a student is caught in a lie.

Then you try to convince him. You say, “No, really Jesus did my taxes.” The agent responds, “Sir, if you aren’t going to take this seriously then you are going to just have to pay the fine in full.”

The agent then says, “I see that you have a lot of spiritual deductions. Did you really give $100,000 to charities last year?”

You say, “No – I donated $10,000. That was all that I could afford.” The agent says, “Yeah, I see this receipt $90,000 for good intentions. You can’t deduct good intentions.”

You respond, “That more than just wishful thinking. I wrote a faith check.”

Okay – that’s a bad joke. Anyway, you can see what happens when conversations rabbit trail.

Jesus ends up getting you in trouble with the IRS.

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One response to “Jesus Does My Taxes

  1. I can imagine how Jesus would deal with the IRS agent:

    IRS agent: “You have not filed a tax return for the past year, nor, as far as I can tell, have you ever filed a return as required by law. I know from a reliable informant (undoubtedly Judas) that many of your so-called disciples have given everything they have to your ministry. What do you have to say for yourself?

    Jesus: “My son, I love you, and I forgive you for having been a tax collector. Now, get up from your desk, and like my friends Matthew, Levi and Zaccheaus, former tax collectors like you, follow me, and you will collect greater rewards than you ever imagined both now and forever.”

    IRS agent: (To his secretary). “Tell the chief that I’m leaving?”

    Secretar;y: “For lunch?”

    IRS agent: “No, forever!”

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